Friday, May 18, 2018

Community & the Church

Bowling Alone, the 2000 book by Robert D. Putnam, was one of those best sellers many bought but few read because they got everything they wanted through media reports and interviews.  I was one of them.  His point, as I recall, was the social organizations that had bound Americans together in community were dead or dying.  Bowling leagues, fraternal organizations, church membership, they were all being abandoned by Americans who no longer found them important or helpful.   It was, said Putnam, leading to the alienation of one from another, and from a sense of community shared with others through personal conversation in the public arena.   

That was eighteen years ago.  He tended to blame it on television, but saw hope for a revival of community, enough to spawn a cottage industry based on it.  In the meantime, the internet, digital devices and mobile phones have demonstrated their abilities to further the deterioration of face-to-face interconnectedness, while creating the illusion of community through platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.  

Even in our rural city, bowling leagues have faded away, the Elks club is all but shuttered, there are no young Masons.  The local Eagles, which openly markets itself to the so called working class, is doing very well.   It may say something about who feels the deepest need for community, and where they find it.  Is it an example of tribalism run amok?  Maybe not.  Maybe they know something the church doesn’t.  More on that later lest I digress too far.  I miss the bowling leagues. They brought together a mix of people who would otherwise not know each other.  Could they not compete with the NFL, NBA and local sports bars?  The Elks and Masons were restricted membership groups that appealed to (white) men who aspired to rise in the power structure, and, once vetted were admitted to the possibility.  That plum is no longer theirs to offer.  Oddly enough, the country club, once the most exclusive of them all, is doing quite well.  It lowered its dues, opened membership to anyone who can pay, and provides the best available space for smaller events and dinners.  If golf is your thing, it’s a great course.  Whether it forms a nucleus of community is another, unanswered, question.

What are nuclei of community in your area?  In ours, one might look to  Rotary and Exchange clubs that have done well by becoming open to all, engaging in important local issues, and sponsoring local events raising money for crucial needs.  Youth athletics and school events bring parents together, at least to know each other by face or name, but they tend to separate themselves by race and economic class.  The colleges have various public offerings that bring a few together for an hour or two.  The local paper works to keep the general public well informed about the region, and is generous in promoting events that can bring people together.  They all have one thing in common.   They don’t create communities whose primary purpose is to strengthen bonds that build and sustain community by nourishing each individual to become more self aware, to recognize their own value and talents, to trust themselves to be vulnerable in the presence of others, and to recognize the value and talents of others struggling to do the same in their own states of insecurity.

The result has been a troubling level of disconnect and alienation that has captured the attention of academics, authors, pundits, and political consultants.  The evidence is on the pages of local internet forums that have opened doors encouraging free expression of isolation, fear, distrust, alienation from whatever is seen as the elite, the power structure, the old boys network, the other – whoever that might be.  Instead of community understood at a broad level, it has become retreat into small groups of like minded people, sure that they’re surrounded by enemies, unwilling to enter the public commons for fear of being attacked.

It can’t be blamed entirely on the digital age of automatons walking around staring at their phones, or texting in place of conversation, and all the rest, though they stand justly accused.  A signifiant part of it was hiding in the wings waiting to be expressed once the oddly comforting hierarchy of old boy networks and club elites began to crumble.   People need to know who they are and where they belong in the context of community that makes sense to them, and in which they feel safe.

What about church?  What is its role in all of this?  Church is the house of religion, and religion has got a bad name among too many.  Religiously unaffiliated is the fastest growing denomination.  Atheism has become its own religion.  And whatever church once stood for lost its usefulness with the collapse of the social hierarchy.  Why waste a weekend morning attending a useless service?  Look at them.  Conservative evangelicalism has become an arm of secular right wing politics.  The big non-denominational ones provide musical entertainment and uplifting talks that are a mile wide and an inch deep.  And the mainline is the last redoubt of the old elite. Who wants to hang out with them?

What can I say?  Mea Culpa.  We have sinned in what we have done and in what we have failed to do through our own fault, our most grievous fault.  The Church, at least the mainline churches, including Roman Catholics, fell into the ease of participating in the socio-economic hierarchy of the post war era.  Too many preached a tepid gospel message  that reinforced God’s endorsement of peace, prosperity, and patriotism epitomizing the realization of the American dream.  Children in the once overflowing Sunday schools were fed a curriculum of thin religious gruel by ill prepared volunteer teachers.  As soon as they could, they quit coming, so did their children, and their grandchildren never came.

Yet it is in the bosom of the gospel message that the deepest hungers for genuine community can be nourished with holy life giving food.  It is in the strength of the gospel message that people can be led from prejudice to truth; delivered from hatred, cruelty, and revenge; break down walls that separate us; be united in bonds of love; and work through their struggles and confusion to accomplish God’s purpose on earth (BCP 815-16).  These are the good things the church has to offer to a people starving for them.

Where is the place of the church in whatever socio-economic hierarchy comes into being?  It doesn’t have one.  It shouldn’t look for one.   It should ignore whatever place others assign to it.  It must focus only on following Jesus, proclaiming that the kingdom of God has come near, and serving as an agent of God’s healing, reconciling power in the world around it.  Christ didn’t come to save the church.  Christ came to save the world, and the church is the most important agency of that work.

In a previous column I wrote that the self can never be defined in isolation.  It can only be defined in terms of its relationship to others, so community, one way or the other, is  essential to our existence.  Whatever we do always has an effect on others, and that effect will either help build up relationships, and thus community, or tear them down.  God in Christ Jesus has called us, all of us, into community that builds up by strengthening bonds of love, lending a hand to those whose burdens are too heavy, removing walls of separation and oppression, and confronting injustice whenever it’s encountered.  It doesn’t take a denomination or congregation to pursue worthy ends such as these.  Any group can adopt them.  What the church recognizes is that it is God, and not humanity, who has called us to this work.  It is God who feeds us with holy food, drink, and Spiritual presence to have the strength to go on.  It is God who forgives and heals.  It is God who is the very source of life and love, and there is no other.  It is God who says to each person, “You are created in my image, and it is good.”  That’s what the church recognizes, proclaims, teaches, and makes available to all.

Those who enter into the community of the church are sent forth to live their daily lives in other places of work, society, politics, and leisure in all of their many manifestations, but always bearing the love of Christ as best they can.  Is there genuine community outside the church?  Of course there is, and it’s to be celebrated and encouraged.  The church is bold to assert that the source of genuine community is always traced back to God, no matter how it is  manifested in the world.  It is in community that we are able to realize the full potential of our individuality, not as “radically autonomous,” but as radically complete.  

The church stumbled in the work it has been given to do.  It’s time to get back to it.  It’s too easy to make excuses by saying that the church is only the gathered assembly of believers, and so it’s everyone’s responsibility.  The clergy are the ones who have been called to serve as pastors, and they are the ones who must assume the responsibility of being the shepherds God has called them to be.

Thursday, May 17, 2018

A Very Short Column

A friend told me yesterday that my columns were getting too long.  So here's a short one just for the fun of it.  Should relieve everyone's Twitterspan anxieties.  The End.

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Liberalism Has Not Failed : but it’s badly injured

Patrick J. Deneen’s ,Why Liberalism Failed, is a challenging book because it explores some of what hides behind the curtain of liberal democratic ideals that have formed and guided our history as a nation.  In withering language he prophecies liberalism’s imminent demise, but offers no clear idea of what might come next.  Underlying his printed word is the subtext of a Catholic mind that misses the ordered life and values of pre-Vatican II Catholicism, and sees in American history glimpses of what might have been that come from early New England colonies and contemporary Amish culture.  It’s the idea that self control, commitment to the local community and its ways, a sense of one’s proper place in society, and an emphasis on household economics is what may save the U.S. from an authoritarian alternative.  They’re only glimpses, and he never spells out what a possible future might hold, only that the one we have is eroding away.

Liberalism, for him, comes in a variety of flavors that extend from right wing libertarians to left wing socialists.  My tea party friends would be horrified to read that they, and other right wing conservatives, are merely a different kind of liberal.  In like manner, Deneen observes a deeply conservative bent in most left wing liberals.  It’s because liberalism’s core values, drawn from the Age of Enlightenment, are centered on the freedom of the individual to become whatever they are able to become, unrestricted by society’s rules or government interference.  Left and right have different ways of expressing what that means, but they agree on the centrality of individual autonomy from external controls.

For him, it means that liberalism slowly erodes the essential functions of community and family as the sources of stability and true freedom, replacing them with “radically autonomous individuals” who, demanding governmental protection for their autonomy, open the door to authoritarian rule of one kind or another.

I think he overstates his case by a huge margin, but also believe that he raised an important weakness in our society that must be addressed: the importance of family and community as bedrock values.  The current obstacle to restoring a broad understanding of their importance is idealistic commitment to an obsolete view of what a proper community or family should look like: it’s unworkable.  

There is nothing wrong with a married mom and dad with three children as a symbol of what a family is, but it falls short.  They’re mere tokens on a game board.  What’s more important is what needs to go on in a family like setting for healthy relationships and learning to develop.  Family is important, its value should be celebrated, but the definition of what family is needs to be modified.  Not by adding additional characters to the approved cast of family members, but by emphasizing the roles and functions families need to excel in to be successful.  What are the dynamics of family life needed for each family member to have fullness of life, both in the family and as persons engaged in community?  My sociologist friend Michelle Janning spends a lot of time thinking and writing about what that means, so pay attention, she knows whereof she speaks.

In like manner is the question of community.  Deneen appears to have a romantic attachment to self governing communities that he believes epitomize the best in liberal democracy.  The early colonial New England towns are long gone, but, for him, today’s Amish society could be an example worth considering.  He would like there to be less surrender of governing authority to federal and state governments, because they are relentless accumulators of power in defense of the autonomy of free individuals that, paradoxically, leads toward authoritarianism.  Small, self governing communities in which there are no “radically autonomous individuals” represent what democratic freedom should be about.  I imagine he would say that’s an over simplification, but it’s what seems to emerge from the book

Communities never exist in worlds where their self governance is isolated from the effects of other self governing communities.  To paraphrase St. Paul, they are like parts of a body, each in need of the other parts to be a healthy whole.  As different as each may be, they depend on each other for their well being.  It means there have to be systems to link and govern relationships between body members, and norms by which to measure how well they work together.  That interconnectedness and interdependence is true for communities and the individuals who live in them.

Increases in population and population mobility, ease of transportation, developments in communication technology, and environmental impacts that know no border, mean that communities can’t self govern as if local decisions are not important to other communities, even distant ones.  Even today’s Amish communities couldn’t exist but for the presence of the surrounding society from whom they seek to remain aloof.  If community self government is what will save liberal representative democracy, then there must be ways to broaden the definition of community to include the federal government, as well as state, regional, and local governments.  If true freedom can never be the product of “radically autonomous individualism," but can only be achieved through community membership in which individuals define themselves by their relationships in and to the community, then there must be national norms to protect individuals from being treated unjustly by the community.  Indeed, there must be standards that each community, and all communities have to meet to justify their existence. 

Deneen hints at what they might be, but never says, and my guess is that I wouldn’t like what he says, if he said it.  But I agree with him in one way.  The myth of rugged individualism on the right, and the myth of the unrestricted freedom of the individual on the left lead to either autocracy or chaos, and chaos leads to autocracy, so there you are.

The self can never be defined in isolation.  It can only be defined in terms of its relationship to others, so community, one way or the other, is  essential to our existence.  The silliness of believing we should be free to do whatever we want as long as it doesn’t hurt others needs to die.  Whatever we do always has an effect on others, and that effect will either help build up relationships, and thus community, or tear them down.  But building up can strengthen injustice and oppression, while tearing down can destroy the good, so it’s not a simple question, and it begs for standards.  What standards?  Deneen inserts an occasional appeal to Christianity for answers, which is where I also would look.  I can’t be sure about what he would find, but here’s my take drawn from Hebrew and Christian scripture.  It’s a short list not intended to be comprehensive.  It’s intended to demonstrate that such standards do not have to dictate who people should be, what roles they should play, or how their behavior should adhere to secular social standards of questionable validity.

Persons are taught to be fully confident in all that they are capable of becoming, and communities organized to facilitate that happening.

Persons are taught to be fully aware of how what they do and say affects the environment around them for good or for ill, and communities are organized to take communal responsibility for the same.

Persons are taught to be merciful, and communities value restorative justice higher than retributive justice.

Persons are taught that peacemaking is greater than war making, and communities are organized to pursue peace over war.  Persons and communities commit to confront violence in radically peaceful ways.

Persons are taught that the Ten Commandment are about integrity, and communities are organized to value integrity over self serving.

Christians are taught to worship God only, subordinating all other loyalties to God first.  As Jim Wallis has said, “If Jesus is Lord, then Caesar is not.”  They are also taught to respect others doing the same according to their own traditions, while feeling comfortable about sharing the good news of God in Christ Jesus when other ears are willing and desire to listen.

Persons are taught, and communities organized to be generous in providing for the needs of the poor, and the shared needs of the community.

Deneen’s closing remarks are curious for a book about liberalism’s failures.  He expresses high regard for what liberalism has achieved, and will continue to achieve.  He rejects what he says are claims that liberalism is the end of political development, a claim I think few would take seriously.  There was a time in the early 20th century when political and social thinkers believed human progress might be like Darwin's evolution, and humanity was in the process of evolving to a higher moral plane.  Liberalism was the evolutionary pathway.  It was not to be.  But liberalism has shown that the environmental conditions of human life, indeed of all life, can be changed – for better or worse.  The choices are up to us, living and working in community.  Putting more effort into understanding the necessity and value of community, and perhaps less emphasis on individual autonomy from community, can be where liberalism leads.  

Friday, May 11, 2018

Things Urgent & Things Important

It’s time for Country Parson to talk about religion, and this is a reflection on the discipline of daily prayer, but first let’s talk about things urgent and things important.

Things that appear urgent demand all our attention, but are often distractions from what is important.  Genuine urgency requires immediate response, but not all things claiming urgency, are.  Pretended urgency is especially demanding in our digital age when buzzing mobile devices announce texts, emails, and the occasional phone call that demand the right to interrupt everything else, and we fall for it.  And it’s not just cell phones.  I don’t watch much television, but my internet news feeds burst with breaking news every few minutes – almost all could wait for tomorrow’s newspaper.  It isn’t important and it isn’t news driven, it’s market driven urgently urging us to look and see.  Marketing or not, I’m not immune to the seductive call to drop everything and look anyway.  It’s a character weakness I’m not proud of.  Is it the pervasiveness of digital urgency that has encouraged a greater sense of unneeded urgency about real life decisions to speak and act?  Could be.

Sometimes the urgent is important, but urgency and importance are not the same things, and I fear we too often forget that.  Urgency entices us to make intemperate, precipitous decisions that are seldom the right ones.  It puts us in the position of not taking time to do something right the first time, yet forced to take more time to do it over, correcting mistakes as we go, hoping for the best.  When urgent matters are unimportant, mistakes can be unimportant too.  When urgent matters are important, mistakes can cause real damage.  Do overs are not always easy, and sometimes impossible.  It’s especially true for interpersonal relations where once something is said or done, it cannot be taken back.  When the  something said or done breaks the bonds of trust, restoring them takes patient time and effort not easily given or received.  The easier alternative is to burn bridges, build walls, and hide behind defensive perimeters.  Taking the easy way is, well, easy.

Having spent many years working with first responders, I know that training, education, and building habits that are second nature are what enable them to enter incidents of great urgency and importance, yet take their time to make sound decisions and take right action.  The discipline to slow down and do it right, in the face of urgent demands to hurry up and do something, does not come naturally.  That's why it's a learned discipline.

Curiously, the same is true about prayer.  It's a learned discipline that puts the urgent and important in their proper places.  What could be more important than developing and maintaining a nourishing relationship with God?  Don’t let the urgently unimportant get in the way.  Take some time to be in deep conversation with God.  Make it a daily discipline well insulated from demands to hurry up and do something.  What should you pray for?  Nothing.  Does it require religiously approved special language?  No.  Can you speed through it because you’ve got a lot to do today?  Sure, but it won’t do you any good.  

What do I mean by conversation with God?  I’ll compare it with my friend Tom who teaches philosophy, because philosophers tend to be treated as godlike when in the company of ordinary mortals.  When I meet with him for coffee, I don’t start off with a list of requests for favors, demands to know what truth is, or burden him with fawning thanks for being a friend.  We just talk about what’s going on in our lives.  You do the same with your friends.  OK, God is not a pal, a friend like that, but the principle holds.  Just have a conversation about the things in your life that are important, or urgent, or both, or neither, and then be quiet.  The phone can wait, the tablet can wait, the computer can wait, the television can wait.  Coffee may be another matter, but the point is that starting the day in unhurried conversation with God will help set the tone for a healthier, less urgently driven life.  And when real urgency arises, it will help give you the discipline to respond more wisely than you otherwise would.

My practice is to hold the conversation within the structure of the Morning Office as practiced in the Episcopal Church.  For me, it’s an exercise in discipline that helps build second nature habits that make responding to daily events of urgency and importance more consistent with what I profess my faith to be.  It helps me remember that the conversation I began early in the morning has not ended, but is still going on.  It’s my practice.  Yours may be different, but I hope you have one, and that it’s slow paced, ignoring urgent interruptions.  

So how am I doing?  Not bad.  It’s a work in progress, and even at my age, I’m still a beginner.  Nevertheless, the nourishment it gives has made life more abundantly fulfilling, even when the rain falls, and the floods come, and the winds blow, none of which I like, but it happens.   Now if you’ll excuse me, my cell phone is dinging.  It sounds so urgent.  I must see what it is.   

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Tribalization is not such a bad thing

Arthur Schlesinger’s 1991 book, The Disuniting of America, did not herald what has become known as tribalization, but it was influential.  The media had been running articles and editorials on it for several years.  Academics were up in arms that the Western Canon might become an arm of higher education rather than its heart.  Commentators were certain that America’s adherence to individualism was a vaccine against the inter-ethnic controversies infecting places such as Canada, Ireland, the Middle East, Africa, and South Asia.  Schlesinger and others did not think the vaccine was working, and saw the nation moving toward destructive tribalization, something they were not keen to see happening.  

In a now oft cited lecture, at least in our house, he was asked a question about how tribalization could be “cured.”  Sex, was his answer.  People intermarrying across ethnic and racial lines was the only solution he could see. That was nearly thirty years ago, and the war chant of tribalization haunts today’s headlines, editorials, and media punditry, with coffee conversation lamenting the loss of American unity.  But look again; maybe it’s not such a bad thing.

The illusion of American unity was constructed on two legs: the myth of rugged individualism that promised the American Dream to those who worked hard enough to get it; the assumption that contemporary social standards of the white middle class were the magnets that held unity together.  In other words, there was only one recognized tribe: the white middle class.  All others were outliers who needed to be subjugated by or transformed into white middle class Americans.   The illusion of unity was not consistent with history, something to which the Civil War attests, and to which the rest of history lends credence.  As for the myth of rugged individualism, without the frontier it could not exist, and the remnant of it that many hold dear depends on romantic attachments to stories of pioneers, homesteading, and cowboy culture.  

The unity idea was a product of the post WWII era, and, as an ideal, it lasted for about thirty years, not much in the scheme of things.  It couldn’t last.  What many are lamenting as the tribalization of America is the increasing political voice of those who say to the old illusion, “Look, you are not the only tribe here.  We are here too.  We always have been.  We have our own voices and we will be heard.”  What can that mean?  Will we become another Italy with so many self serving voices that we can’t form a government?  Another France that has nation wide strikes every few weeks, and too many republics and monarchies to count?  Nigeria or Congo where intertribal warfare is the ordinary way of life?  What?  The current mood of those in power seems to feature a frontal attack on tribes of any kind that are unwilling to be subject to the core standards of the post WWII era.  That’s how unity will be restored and maintained.  

It doesn’t have to be that way, and if we can survive the next couple of years, there are ways out.   Tribalization does not have to mean inter-tribal warfare.  It can mean mutual recognition and respect with the intention of working together for the well being of the whole.  The state of Hawaii, with all its tragic history, hiccups and errors, is an example of how that might work.  It’s not perfect, nothing is, but it’s a place where no racial or ethnic class is in the majority, where ethnic pride and celebrations are shared across tribal lines, and where things get worked out amidst intense debate about how things should get worked out.  The spirit of Aloha is often stretched beyond the breaking point, but it remains a unifying ideal that challenges those who break it, calling them back to a better way.

Within that context may be two more subtle lessons for the rest of us to learn.  Most immigrants came from cultures that placed a high value on family and community.  They adopted and took advantage of American individualism without giving up their values.  So many cultures with so many ways to understand what family and community were, required that continued commitment to them had to learn to accommodate differences without giving up values.  It’s not easy, but it can be done.   Whatever its other worth, rugged individualism is not a cultural value on which to build a civilization.  Valuing family and community is, but demanding that they adhere to only one definition is an easy path to authoritarian rule, which is not where we want to go.  

Marriage between races and ethnicities is common in Hawaii.  Schlesinger was right, sex works.   It doesn’t erase ethnic or racial differences, but it does create bridges between them, bridges of mutual appreciation and respect.  It also creates new generations of people who are comfortable being fully confident about who they are in a society of many cultures and ethnicities.  

As for Western ways, I’m a fierce defender of the Western Canon, but it does not stand alone, nor does it always have to be the touchstone for defining what civilization means.  Sometimes it is, but not always.  There is nothing wrong with being white, or middle class, or working class, or male.  Each has much to offer, much to celebrate, and much to be thankful for, but none has a right to dictate to others how and who they should be.  Nor do they have a right to be in charge of how things are done.  Tribalization is not, by itself, a bad thing.  It can be the honest recognition of what has always been there.  It can help us better understand our history through lenses other than post WWII romanticism.  Consistent with the ideals on which the nation was founded, and the rule of law that has guided it, we can have a form of tribalization where cooperative tensions between them will lead to “a more perfect union” benefitting generations yet to come.

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Fire, Police, and Chaplains

Our local paper recently published an article by the Washington Post’s Sarah Pulliam Bailey about the history and role of chaplains serving Congress.  It’s the kind of story that is sure to raise questions about how far church and state need to be separated, and whether there is any role for chaplains in public service.  So it seemed like a few words from a local chaplain might be in order.  I’m retired now, but served for sixteen years as a fire and police chaplain here in Walla Walla, and have some sense about what’s involved.

Local public safety chaplains are unpaid volunteers; except for a few pieces of safety equipment, no tax money supports them.  The chaplain’s primary job is to attend to the emotional and spiritual well being of their departments – I worked with the fire department, but served as a backup for the police and sheriff.  While it’s true that a chaplain is a symbol of God’s presence, he or she has an obligation to serve spiritual needs according to the practices and beliefs of each person, which may be none, and to refrain from proselytizing on behalf of their own.  What a firefighter or police officer says to a chaplain in private is always held in confidence, which makes him or her a safe person to talk to when emotional stress or personal issues have become burdensome.  Many are well trained in pastoral counseling, and while not the same thing as psychological therapy, sometimes it’s enough, and an effective chaplain always knows when to make a referral.

Their second job is to respond to incidents to serve the needs of emotionally traumatized victims and witnesses.  Answering their many questions, arranging for Red Cross or other support, and giving them the emotional tools needed to get through the next few days doesn’t make bad things go away, but it may help them endure, knowing that others care about them and have stood with them in their darkest moments.  Not everyone is well suited to entering as a helpful resource into incidents involving injury, violence and death complicated by fire and police presence.  It’s one reason why simply being a pastor is not enough to make one a good chaplain.

Fire and police chaplaincy requires earning the trust of the men and women of the departments they serve.   Without it, there is nothing of value to be offered.  And that means learning as much as possible about what it takes to be a firefighter, paramedic, or police officer.  The only way to do it is to work with them at what they do, and spend time with them in casual conversation about the things that are important to them.  Chaplains must be willing to invest the time needed, even as they devote themselves to raising a family and earning a living elsewhere.  It has to be a passion of the heart, a calling, but that’s not enough.  It also requires the right education, training, personality, and spiritual fortitude.

My years as a fire and police chaplain were among the most rewarding in all the years of my ministry, and I treasure the opportunity to have worked with some of the finest men and women I have ever known.  Our community is well served by our public safety professionals, they are the best, and we are fortunate to have them.  Other chaplains are working with them now, and they are doing it well.   

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

The False Hope of Closure

Have you ever been asked about closure?  You have if you’re a pastor.  You cant avoid the term.  It’s all over the news when violence strikes a community, and it’s on the lips of those who are hurting and want it.

My youngest sister’s husband died recently.  It was the end of a long struggle with cancer.  At the funeral reception I heard compassionate friends offering well meant words about seeking closure.  Parishioners seeking spiritual guidance following an emotionally traumatizing event have often asked how they can achieve closure.  More often they’ve asked when will they have closure.  It’s hard to know what closure might mean to any one person, but it’s a word used frequently with the assumption that everyone knows what it means.  And it does have an implied meaning that the event behind the emotional trauma will cease to have an impact on one's life, almost as if it never happened.

I don’t know when it came into being.  I wish it hadn’t because there is no such thing as closure.  It doesn’t exist.  It may be well intentioned to hold out the expectation of closure to those who are grieving, or have been emotionally traumatized in some other way, but it’s a cruel hope because it can’t be had.

Never defined, it’s left hanging with vague images of something boxed up, put away in a place of forgetfulness where it will fade into non-existence.  It carries with it images of closed doors, locked chests, trash bags tied shut and tossed in the dumpster.  Closure implies a coming time when life will go on, the event a fading memory. 

Closure, in that sense, is not healing.  It’s a chimera.  Healing is real, and healthy grieving is the process of healing.  It takes time, its own time.  If the emotional wound is deep enough, it may take a long time.  Like any deep wound, it will leave a scar that will always be there, but it won’t hurt anymore, at least not all the time.  There is no closure, but there is learning that what has happened does not have to control what the future holds.  The death of a loved one tears the fabric of one’s life.  Their manner of death can tear it to shreds.  The same is true for other emotionally traumatizing events.  But mending is always possible.  Mending doesn’t make anything new; it makes it strong and healthy, but not new.

A related question: it has not been unusual for people to demand to know where God is when it hurts so much.  It masks a demand with its own question: I want it to stop hurting.  Can God make it stop; when will God make it stop; why is it taking so long?  They’re fair questions, but the answer is not always the one they want to hear.  Jesus gave new life to everyone who asked it of him.  The blind could see, the invalid walk, the deaf hear, the mute speak, the sinner forgiven.  Those grieving the deaths of loved ones were shown that in God death does not end life, but changes it.  None of that changed the old lives each of them had experienced.  Who they had been, with all their limitations and reputations, were still a part of who they were and were yet to become.  The pain of the past was a part of who they would always be, but holy healing empowered them to move on free from the power of the past to dictate their future.  

You and I can’t heal like Jesus, but we can be agents of holy healing who avoid giving the false hope of ill defined closure.  In its place we can offer tools for emotional and spiritual rehab that opens the way for God’s healing power to enter in, and help rebuild the strength to get on with life in new and promising ways.